Natalee's Memorial Fund

I know there are some who have asked if there was a fund to donate for Natalee. Our good friend Suzi Dyches has opened an account at Wells Fargo bank. You can go to any branch and tell them that you would like to make a donation to the 'Natalee Walton Memorial Fund'.
On the last day of school, Conestoga M.S. had a fund raiser where the children brought in loose change. The youth donated close to $2,000, thank you for your amazing hearts. We were shocked at the cost of her burial needs and we're so grateful for all your generosity.
My heart is so touched at the turnout of all the youth that came to Natalee's funeral service. I know that she saw all of you there and I am sure that she was aware of each of you personally. I truly believe she was there. Thank you. Also we want to thank all those who came to support our family on that very difficult but special day. I would like to share something that the person we worked with at the cemetery told us. She said that all day it was cloudy and windy (Natalee's resting place is on top of a hill that over looks the valley, very peaceful and serene) By the time we arrived, all of the sudden the sun came out, the cold winds stopped and she knew without a doubt that heaven was smiling down on our special day. After everyone left we stayed behind and I saw for myself how all the sudden a cold wind came down the hill. It was significant. It was a witness to us that God stilled peace to all of us.
It is three week today since Natalee passed over to the next life, I am just starting to think. The best way to describe our life right now, is everything is intensified. Our feelings, our emotions, our sorrows are so vulnerable. It still hurts, and we are left to ask the questions 'WHY?' Why she had to be taken at only 13, why did she have to get cancer and suffer and many more questions. And for me personally I have told my Heavenly Father that I am so mad at him. One thing I know for sure, is in time the answers will come. Until then, I will search to know the truth. Truth, Christ taught will set us free, or give us peace. Truth is when we know without a doubt, what is in Gods mind, will and heart. It is a pure understanding of what he wants and truly feels. Essentially being able to see as God sees. What cripples us is when our hurts, confusion, and anger takes over and we allow it to consume us. That is how Satan is able to have power over our hearts and if we keep listening to our emotions and not sifting through, then our all consuming feeling can literally destroy us.
Our family is doing a lot of together time, we even started doing crossword puzzles together and every day we play either Skipbo, or Phase 10 two of Nats favorite card games.
Everynight at 11 o'clock I get out my 'Book of Mormon' and read a chapter with Natalee. I imagine that she is sitting there beside me as I read aloud to her. Even though I don't feel her beside me it still gives me comfort to imagine her leaning up against me as I read to her, something I haven't been able to do for some time, because she was hurting. I have always found peace in the word of God and during this unrested time it does calm my heart and soul.
We are keeping up Natalee's trellis in the front yard in case someone wants to write a note to Nat or the family.
Our address is: 12345 SW Millview Ct. / Tigard, Or. / 97223

I will keep on posting

I am surprised at the feelings I have been going through since our sweet Natalee has departed this life. The day after her funeral I was expecting horrendous pain and grief, but the morning after I felt calm as did the rest of the family. I thought of this past year how our family has had to endure a lot of sorrow, grieving over Natalee's hardships. It is something that has been so unbearable at times. Admidst all the lows in our lives, we have been carried to the top of the mountian and saw and understood some of God's tender mercies, It has been a journey where we have rarely seen the calm.
Through this past year, I feel like we have been in a boat that is in the middle of the ocean, the storms have been hitting us in harsh and intense ways, tossing us in directions we did not know. Sometimes the winds have settled but we have not been able the see the light break through the clouds. Just once in a while a hint of clearing but never clear skies that was needed to bring us back to shore.
Our boat for several days has been floating in still waters, still in the middle of the ocean, still not knowing which way to paddle. The calmness might be because our daughter Nicole had graduation on Sunday and it was important to us that she enjoyed her special day, and we felt we were being blessed. Today we have felt a change in the winds, and a new storm is coming. The worst of storms is over (cancer and Natalee's death), we now have oars in hand hoping to find our way to the harbor. Maybe even at times the wind may blow at our backs pushing us forward. I don't know how long it will take to find our way back. We might end up going in the wrong direction, me might need to experience heartache and pain for a while to help us better understand with clarity some of the important things. I know it will take a long time to heal, and as we drift in our boat I hope to share part of our journey. Part of what I want to share will be for Natalee's friends to help them find comfort and peace. I know it has been hard on all of you.
Natalee's chapter ended as did her book for this life. She is now starting a new book, and whole new life. One thing I wanted to express is that one of God's plan, is for us to alway grow and progress, learn and experience, to find peace and joy. Where Natalee is at, she is learning and experiencing new and greater things, more than what she understood here. A place where there are no dieseases or suffering. It is a whole new wonderful life, I know she is loving it, and is probably sitting on top of a mountian seeing new and wonderful things. No doubt she is missing us as well as we are missing her, but I know she is smiling now and she able to run for the first time since she was diagnosed with her cancer a year ago.

Service Details

Services for Natalee will be held Friday June 11, 2010 at the LDS Lake Oswego Stake Center.  The address is 14903 Westlake Drive, Lake Oswego.  The cross street is Kruse Way.  Parking is somewhat limited so try to carpool. 

Viewing will be held from 12:00 to 1:30 pm.  Funeral service starts at 2:00 pm.  Graveside service at Skyline Memorial Gardens at 4:00 pm.

The services are open to all faiths.

Our sweetheart is in His loving arms

This past week Natalee made a major turn for the worse. It became obvious on Saturday that we were going to lose her soon.
We weren't expecting it this soon. Yesterday - June 7, 2010 at 3:00 PM, our little sweetheart got to run free without anymore pain. And I am sure she has a big smile where she is at. Her passing is hard but we are comforted to know she is now without cancer.
A friend of ours has put up a trellis in our front yard for those who would like to write notes to Natalee or her family.
When we have the time and date for her memorial service we will post it on this blog.
All your love and service to our family has carried us through this journey. Thank you so much.

Letting go and putting our trust in God

This past month has been our most learning experience, and the most trying and hardest to handle. I commented previously that I had an experience that I wanted to share, but it was not the time. I feel now is the time. Back on May 10, three days after we put Natalee into Gods care, besides some of the things they told us to expect, I was told she had 2-4 weeks to live. I was in shock and horrific grief, so unimaginable was my anguish. I sat out in the parking lot, and told my Father in Heaven that I didn't think I could handle it anymore. That night I had Gods tender mercies come upon me. To try and explain this sacred experience I know that I will not do justice, but I will attempt. That night while talking with my Father in Heaven, my body went through a literal, physical experience. I felt likemy whole body was being filled up with air, literally, and as I was being filled my whole being was being filled with such peace and light. It is the most powerful experience that I have felt. A peace that surpasses all understanding. What followed in our family for the next three weeks is something that I thought was unattainable. We were being carried, and that blessing of the Holy Spirit was so great that our faith and hope became so empowering. Every morning when I woke up I felt so positive and knew she was going to make it, there was not a doubt in my mind or heart. When Kent would give her a Priesthood blessing it was so powerful, that no doubt the words given would be carried out, because the spirit was so strong. The spiritual feelings were so magnificent in our home, nothing seemed impossible. I will say that we have drawn on the powers of heaven and exercised a faith that has been pure and without doubt, that I know if God healed only on the merits of someones faith Natalee would be healed. Plus I know that thousands of people have been praying mightily right with us.
The previous weekend we have had to learn a new lesson and it is hard. First when we turned her over to Gods care, we still was asking God to do what we desired and being a big part of the process. There is nothing wrong with that and we felt this was the right course of action. On Saturday May 29, Natalee went down so fast she came close to dying, her kidney was shutting down ( which is the first to go) she was so lifeless and no longer in pain. The nurse said she would most likely pass on, this week. She was given fluids that went directly by a needle into her stomach. With the re hydration also revealed that her kidney was ok. That is when we came to a new level of understanding; that we needed to let go completely and say to God, 'Thy will be done'. With no expectations just complete trust. This is harder to do than it appears. We have a greater appreciation for Abraham of old when he took his son Isaac to the alter to be sacrificed. He had no expectations that God would tell him to stop, he went with pure faith and a trust in Gods will. Amazing! (Later to be a lesson us of Christ's infinite sacrifice) So as we gave Natalee to God, we do not know whether she will have her life extended, or if God will take her home. A place Mormons call the Spirit World, where families still exist, where we are able to grow, learn and experience, a peaceful life, a place where Natalee would be free from her cancer.
One of the questions I had to ask and finally got an answer, is why did I feel so strong that she would be healed. It occurred to me during the three weeks when we were being carried by the Holy Spirit, that the spirit was so strong that it caused us to feel so good, that it most likely caused us misinterpret what was being conveyed. I hope that make sense, for God doesn't mislead we just understand it incorrectly.
Where we are at right now. First Natalee's kidney is working. She still won't eat and weighs about 60# (at 5'1") She is bound to the recliner downstairs and that is where she sleeps most of the day and night. She is unable to walk so the recliner is her life. There are times when she will sleeps for 2 whole days. So in truth it is not promising. She is in a lot of pain that can be controlled (when she takes her medication) Our family is doing OK, we feel like we are in a waiting room, waiting to see how God wants things to turn out. No expectations, a trust that God will do what is best. A quote I found this week " Faith is stepping into the unseen and trusting the light will follow" (Hafen) Our trust is knowing that Natalee will be where God intended her to be and we have peace with that.