I am surprised at the feelings I have been going through since our sweet Natalee has departed this life. The day after her funeral I was expecting horrendous pain and grief, but the morning after I felt calm as did the rest of the family. I thought of this past year how our family has had to endure a lot of sorrow, grieving over Natalee's hardships. It is something that has been so unbearable at times. Admidst all the lows in our lives, we have been carried to the top of the mountian and saw and understood some of God's tender mercies, It has been a journey where we have rarely seen the calm.
Through this past year, I feel like we have been in a boat that is in the middle of the ocean, the storms have been hitting us in harsh and intense ways, tossing us in directions we did not know. Sometimes the winds have settled but we have not been able the see the light break through the clouds. Just once in a while a hint of clearing but never clear skies that was needed to bring us back to shore.
Our boat for several days has been floating in still waters, still in the middle of the ocean, still not knowing which way to paddle. The calmness might be because our daughter Nicole had graduation on Sunday and it was important to us that she enjoyed her special day, and we felt we were being blessed. Today we have felt a change in the winds, and a new storm is coming. The worst of storms is over (cancer and Natalee's death), we now have oars in hand hoping to find our way to the harbor. Maybe even at times the wind may blow at our backs pushing us forward. I don't know how long it will take to find our way back. We might end up going in the wrong direction, me might need to experience heartache and pain for a while to help us better understand with clarity some of the important things. I know it will take a long time to heal, and as we drift in our boat I hope to share part of our journey. Part of what I want to share will be for Natalee's friends to help them find comfort and peace. I know it has been hard on all of you.
Natalee's chapter ended as did her book for this life. She is now starting a new book, and whole new life. One thing I wanted to express is that one of God's plan, is for us to alway grow and progress, learn and experience, to find peace and joy. Where Natalee is at, she is learning and experiencing new and greater things, more than what she understood here. A place where there are no dieseases or suffering. It is a whole new wonderful life, I know she is loving it, and is probably sitting on top of a mountian seeing new and wonderful things. No doubt she is missing us as well as we are missing her, but I know she is smiling now and she able to run for the first time since she was diagnosed with her cancer a year ago.
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11 comments:
I was hoping you would post something even though Natalee is no longer with you. I find peace in writing. Maybe you do too? I continue to pray for your family. I hope you are able to feel the wind on your back pushing you forward. We are never given more then we can handle, even though it sometimes seems that way. God Bless you all.
Sherri that was beautiful. I'm glad you are finding peace. There is so much comfort knowing the plan of salvation, that Natalee is in a better place and that you are an eternal family. I wish you all the best on your journey healing. I'm sure it will have ups and downs. But you are right you are not alone.
love, Beth Brown
that is beautiful. I find myself thinking of you often!
Thank you for letting us into your world. We won't forget.
I am so glad that you will continue your journey with us. This past year, as I followed your story, I learned so much about myself and others. The faith, courage and deep love that your family showed became such a lesson and model for all of us. All of Natalees friends learned so much about life (and death)and their process of dealing will never be forgotton. Natalee left such an indelible imprint on all of them.
Always remember, that we continue to be present for the Walton family.
Much love to all of you...Mamo/ Joanne
I am so glad that you will continue your journey with us. This past year, as I followed your story, I learned so much about myself and others. The faith, courage and deep love that your family showed became such a lesson and model for all of us. All of Natalees friends learned so much about life (and death)and their process of dealing will never be forgotton. Natalee left such an indelible imprint on all of them.
Always remember, that we continue to be present for the Walton family.
Much love to all of you...Mamo/ Joanne
Thank you for posting how your family is doing. We continue to pray for you all. May you continue to find peace and strength in Him.
~Gwen Kalvelage
Love to the Walton family. Thinking of you often Sherri. It was a beautiful service and we believe Natalee is loving her next life too! God Bless, Amanda & Presley
You are sooooo positive. I just... admire you'm never focusing on the positives but you're changing that. This has been a difficult thing.. losing a peer, and friend. But, Natalee has finished her first book. It was a cliffhanger every page. But she's not done writing the sequal or the series.
EEEEEEKS! the comment before got messed up!
You are sooooo positive. I just... admire you're never focusing on the negatives! I always do. but you're changing that for me. This has been a difficult thing.. losing a peer, and friend. But, Natalee has finished her first book. It was a cliffhanger every page. But she's not done writing the sequal or the series.
You don't know me, I just came across your blog. I want you to know that I'm praying for you!
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