Letting go and putting our trust in God

This past month has been our most learning experience, and the most trying and hardest to handle. I commented previously that I had an experience that I wanted to share, but it was not the time. I feel now is the time. Back on May 10, three days after we put Natalee into Gods care, besides some of the things they told us to expect, I was told she had 2-4 weeks to live. I was in shock and horrific grief, so unimaginable was my anguish. I sat out in the parking lot, and told my Father in Heaven that I didn't think I could handle it anymore. That night I had Gods tender mercies come upon me. To try and explain this sacred experience I know that I will not do justice, but I will attempt. That night while talking with my Father in Heaven, my body went through a literal, physical experience. I felt likemy whole body was being filled up with air, literally, and as I was being filled my whole being was being filled with such peace and light. It is the most powerful experience that I have felt. A peace that surpasses all understanding. What followed in our family for the next three weeks is something that I thought was unattainable. We were being carried, and that blessing of the Holy Spirit was so great that our faith and hope became so empowering. Every morning when I woke up I felt so positive and knew she was going to make it, there was not a doubt in my mind or heart. When Kent would give her a Priesthood blessing it was so powerful, that no doubt the words given would be carried out, because the spirit was so strong. The spiritual feelings were so magnificent in our home, nothing seemed impossible. I will say that we have drawn on the powers of heaven and exercised a faith that has been pure and without doubt, that I know if God healed only on the merits of someones faith Natalee would be healed. Plus I know that thousands of people have been praying mightily right with us.
The previous weekend we have had to learn a new lesson and it is hard. First when we turned her over to Gods care, we still was asking God to do what we desired and being a big part of the process. There is nothing wrong with that and we felt this was the right course of action. On Saturday May 29, Natalee went down so fast she came close to dying, her kidney was shutting down ( which is the first to go) she was so lifeless and no longer in pain. The nurse said she would most likely pass on, this week. She was given fluids that went directly by a needle into her stomach. With the re hydration also revealed that her kidney was ok. That is when we came to a new level of understanding; that we needed to let go completely and say to God, 'Thy will be done'. With no expectations just complete trust. This is harder to do than it appears. We have a greater appreciation for Abraham of old when he took his son Isaac to the alter to be sacrificed. He had no expectations that God would tell him to stop, he went with pure faith and a trust in Gods will. Amazing! (Later to be a lesson us of Christ's infinite sacrifice) So as we gave Natalee to God, we do not know whether she will have her life extended, or if God will take her home. A place Mormons call the Spirit World, where families still exist, where we are able to grow, learn and experience, a peaceful life, a place where Natalee would be free from her cancer.
One of the questions I had to ask and finally got an answer, is why did I feel so strong that she would be healed. It occurred to me during the three weeks when we were being carried by the Holy Spirit, that the spirit was so strong that it caused us to feel so good, that it most likely caused us misinterpret what was being conveyed. I hope that make sense, for God doesn't mislead we just understand it incorrectly.
Where we are at right now. First Natalee's kidney is working. She still won't eat and weighs about 60# (at 5'1") She is bound to the recliner downstairs and that is where she sleeps most of the day and night. She is unable to walk so the recliner is her life. There are times when she will sleeps for 2 whole days. So in truth it is not promising. She is in a lot of pain that can be controlled (when she takes her medication) Our family is doing OK, we feel like we are in a waiting room, waiting to see how God wants things to turn out. No expectations, a trust that God will do what is best. A quote I found this week " Faith is stepping into the unseen and trusting the light will follow" (Hafen) Our trust is knowing that Natalee will be where God intended her to be and we have peace with that.