Natalee is having a hard time

One of the opportunities of our human existence, is we are given, 'pen in hand' to write our own story of life. Sometimes without our control another author steps in to write on the pages of our history. This past year Natalee has had to let others do just that. As her mother, I have been so proud with how she has gracefully handled this chapter in her life.

I feel she is starting a new chapter. One that began with some wonderful experiences. Natalee was able to go two times in the month of March and stay at a beach house with some of her friends. This was the highlight of this past year. Looking back at this time, I now know it was a time of tender mercies where she felt good. It was a delightful time to warm her heart and soul. I am so grateful for that time and feel we were blessed.



Natalee has made a turn for the worse. Since December her tumors have been growing and she has new tumors. We don't know if this is her final chapter or if it is going to be the worse chapter of her life. In our meeting last week with the doctors, we were told it is time to quit using chemo. The tumors have learned to resist the drugs. From the beginning there was some information that we chose to withhold from Natalee and our readers. Back in May 2009, our first meeting with the Doctor, we were told that she had 5 months to live with a 10% chance to survive. We have only shared the information about the larger tumors, but she has always had clusters of tiny fibrous tumors in her lungs that number in the hundreds. That is horrible news when you are trying to fill your heart and soul with hope.



Natalee just doesn't feel good. Her body aches constantly, she has a hard time breathing and spends most of her time in bed or on the recliner. Today we are getting an oxygen machine ( it is a machine that makes its own oxygen) delivered to help her breathe better. I want you to know about this so if anyone wants to come over to see Natalee you wont be surprised. The one magical thing that really brightens her spirits, is when a friend comes over to hang out with her. (bring a movie to watch) There is such a change in her and I want to thank those that have remembered my sweetheart.



Currently we asked to stay on this new drug Afinitor and had the dosage increased to the adult level. Next week she will have her scans and we will decided what the next step is. We have not given up, but we have had to change our perspective.



Have I stopped believing in miracles? Miracles are all around us, every breath we take with our amazing, complicated human body is a miraculous gift. When I see a soul that has been broken, lost, where the clouds of darkness encompasses their lives, and then find a ray of light, of hope,that is a great miracle. I have thought about how I was told that she would be a miracle. I knew that she was going to be healed; miracles are attached to those words. I want your to know that I had to go down to the depths and question, is all that I have read and learned in the Holy Scriptures really true or is it just stories that was passed from generation to generation. Is it a myth or is it the living waters, springing from a well of hope. I had to wrestle to find the well of living waters, and I have drank from its sweet cup. I know that they are really His Words. There is only one person that has ever been recorded in the antiquities (historical writings) that was prophesied for centuries to come as a Savior of the world. He came to earth; lived a pure life. Just before he was crucified, he went into the Garden of Gethsemane and made an atonement for all mankind. Meaning he took all our burdens, our sins and sufferings, this account shares that he bleed from every pore for so painful was the event. Matthew 26:36-44. It is only He, Christ (meaning the anointed one) who had the power three days after his death to resurrect himself. Because he was able to do that, it opened the door for all of us to be resurrected. Meaning after we die our body and our spirit will be reunited again. Now that is the greatest miracle of all. I believe families are forever and that gives me eternal hope. I cant miss sharing the beautiful words of John 1 " In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...And all things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.... And the word was made flesh, and dwelt among us (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father) full of grace and truth." Only they, who want to feel his light and not allow sorrow and darkness to get in the way, will be able to feel and see. I think darkness is when you become angry, hurt, consumed with fear, mislead, confused, have went against Gods laws, it gets in the way of seeing the greater picture. Hope is lost, Faith is lost, and no longer can you feel Charity ( the pure love of Christ)